What the f*@k was my New Year resolution again?

What the f*@k was my New Year resolution again?

What the F*@k Was My New Year Resolution Again?
If your "new year, new you" pledge is ancient history, get back on track by embracing the trend of light-heartedly titled, but seriously no-nonsense self-help books.

Cut the crap. We’re two months into 2017 and this is where my head is at, and where yours might be, too. After December’s chaotic denouement — holidays, parties, cross-country travel — we were all given the gift of a shiny, brand-new year. Optimism reigned supreme. Personal trainers invaded your inbox: Squat your way to a better booty! In this hopeful hustle and bustle, even the most jaded resolution-phobe can’t help but list one or two or ten things she’d like to change about her life. It’s natural!

But now, weeks have passed and we’ve failed. Or maybe only I’ve failed. Either way, the persistently cheery mentality it takes to chip away at your flaws — or lay a foundation for your goals — gives way to the same problems of your old life. You know, the life from two months ago. The bloom is off the rose.

Traditional self-help books are great when you want to be zipped into a life vest, placed into a canoe, and gently pushed into a babbling brook. Who can afford those luxuries now? As the weeks tick by, what you really need is to be shoved off Niagara Falls. Metaphorically, of course.

What if, to truly unstick your habits, transform your life, make more money, or stop living a slothful existence, all that’s required is a more aggressive attitude? Enough hand-holding and sweet-talking. To really get shit done, I’m convinced, sometimes you need zero excuses — and maybe even a few F-bombs dropped along the way.

Continue reading my story—and find excerpts of books by Mark Manson, Jen Sincero, Sarah Knight, and Rachel Hoffman—at Audible Range. The fun illustrations in my piece and above are by Siobhan Gallagher.

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An open letter to injured runners

My latest short play "Earlybirds"

My latest short play "Earlybirds"